I can’t keep my hands of your balls.

I feel like he’s like a dog who walks around humping.

I like that shirt. Can I see your teeth?

I’m all business. I do not have time for gnome funerals.

When did you first learn about lesbians?

We didn’t have confetti so we tossed the salad.

You and your dog have ruined organic peanut butter for me.

We own the manure regardless of what the cow ate.

You gotta touch ‘em when they’re happy.

So you can arrange flowers but not commas?

It’s so flat …

Yep, you can stand on a tuna can and watch your dog run away for two weeks.

Pull your shirt up, I can see your stomach.

They closed the office today. They are out throwing stones.

It’s like a high maintenance girlfriend. You wine her, you dine her and she still won’t redeem.

Teach ‘em to fish or we’re fucked forever.

Do we know that workers aren’t wiping their asses with their hands?

Where is it? Is it strapped to a turtle?

Don’t pee in the punch bowl.

It’s like sticking my face in a fan.

I decided over the weekend that I don’t use feathers enough.